| Right Now |
| Hearing:
Music
Watching: TV
Thinking: nada
Plugging: Myself
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| Toronto Tape Transcript and Quotes |
- The Toronto Trip was taken by Barnstormers on March 15 and 16, 2003.
- Rachel: Canada! Can-a-da!
- Alexis: We’re on our way to Canada, well actually, not yet, because we’re still waiting. And where the heck is Bindel? It’s about 6:19 and there’s no Bindel.
- Rachel: There is no sign of the wild Bindel.
- Laura: Where the Bindel at?
- Rachel: Indeed. Well, we’ll update this later, but the lizards are on the wall, they went up at 6:16.
- Laura: We’ll name them later.
- Shawn: Mushy mushy mushy mushy…
- Laura: It’s 6:21 and Bindel-watch is complete.
- Everyone claps and cheers as Bindel enters the bus.
- Shawn (sings): Stuck in traffic really really sucks, Stuck in traffic, during rush hour. What time is it? We need a lizard update.
- Alexis: Oh yes, a lizard update. It is five minutes to one and two of the lizards are still up. Unfortunately one of them fell at about 9:30 this morning.
- Rachel (whispers): We think Greg pulled it off…Shh…
- Laura: It’s a conspiracy.
- Alexis: We’re definitely not going to say anything, but an investigation is underway. We will keep you updated
- Rachel: Anne wants me to rehearse lines, but I’m going to look for a way to get out of it.
- Alexis: I am going to make sure she does so…I get to play the part of Curly!
- Rachel: I do find Alexis very sexy, so perhaps I will do so.
- Laura: We still need to give the lizards names.
- Rachel: How about Durwin?
- Laura: No.
- Alexis: Durwin?!
- Rachel: Why not?
- Laura: No. That’s not it. We’re not using Durwin, okay?
- Shawn: How about Bubbles?
- Laura: No, Bubbles is the name of my sixth son, we can’t use that. I can’t tell my son he’s named after a lizard. He has to be named after the Bulbourethral gland!
- Shwan: Oh yeah.
- Alexis: What about Stuart?
- Laura: We’re considering Stuart…Does anyone else have anything to say?
- Anne: (makes gorilla noises)
- Laura: The vocal stylings of Anne W. Good night.
- Laura: Okay we’re in the hotel room, and we just found French cartoons and they are fabulous. Let’s have a listen, this is Oui Oui.
- Oui Oui plays on as Oui Oui talks to the Rotound man.
- Laura: We’re going to wait to see if Oui Oui Sings.
- Oui Oui Theme Begins to play.
- Laura: I think this song basically sums up the entire Canadian experience.
- The girls make up words to the song as it plays on.
- Laura: Oui Oui!
- Laura and Shawn: Wing ding, wing ding, wing ding, wind ding.
- Laura: Stupid boys with clay in their bells.
- Alexis: Shouldn’t be driving…
- The song ends.
- Laura: I wanna see the walrus!
- Laura: I’m going to hand this over to Rachel.
- Rachel: Rachel is putting on the deodorant now. Okay, now I’ve switched hands so the deodorizing can proceed in a deodorizing fashion. We’re watching Clifford in French and I just woke up, so I’m really tired. And I just took a shower, but they didn’t have a shower cap, so we used a plastic bag…And guess what? My hair didn’t get wet – Oh my gawd…It was pretty freakin sweet. I also gave up swearing for Lent, so Mr. Tape Recorder Man, you’re probably going to notice that my usual language is not present. I will talk to you later, Record Man – Or maybe you’re a woman. I mean, why do people always assume that inadimate objects, except for boats and stuff, are men? That’s just a product of our sexist society. I think you’re a Recorder Woman. So I’m going to call you Mr. Recorder Woman from now. Okay, this is Rachel F, signing off.
- Alexis: This is Alexis, giving you a beef – I mean, brief review of the shows we saw last night. If you want a beef review, I can give that to you too…Chicken, fish, whatever. Apparently the beef was really good at the theatre last night. I did not have that. I had chicken. It was a huge piece of chicken. Like if chicken were people, this would be Pamela Anderson. Mamma Mia was great – Great music, great show. Rachel, who was your favorite character?
- Rachel: DONNA!
- Alexis: Yes, Donna was my favorite as well. Donna kicked major butt. Then we went to Mysteriously Yours, Casablanca style. It was great, Bindel was groped by this lounge singer, who happened to be my sister, who happened to be sleeping with Mr. C (our principal). We have pictures and we have this on tape, so I think we have some blackmail. We’ll talk to you later – Goodbye.
- Rachel: On our way to dinner theater last night, we passed the Condom Shack, and they sold condoms.
- Alexis: There was an inflatable penis in the window!
- Rachel: We also told our waiter Kevin that Bindel was gay, and he believed us, and then we gave him his number and Kevin was going to give it to the gay waiter Gary. But we didn’t put our zip code on it, so we had to get it back. And Kevin the waiter was hitting on Alexis, as well as all the other females, and he wrote this nice little note.
- Alexis: We passed this really large theater, and no one was sure what this theater was for, and you look at the front of the building, and there’s like this busty woman on the front, yes people, it was an exotic dance club.
- Rachel: Also, we named the lizards. The one that fell down, Anne named him Elvis. Our two remaining lizards are named Mamma and Mia. Where we got the inspirtation for those names, I honestly couldn’t tell you. It just came to us out of the blue, didn’t it, Alexis?
- Alexis: Absolutely…They just looked like a Mamma and a Mia.
- Rachel: And we just saw a really good show called The League of Nathans, and everyone thought, man this show is going to suck major booty, but it was very good. Very intense.
- Alexis: The actors definitely compensated for Rachel and I’s lack of swearing throughout the forty days of Lent.
- Rachel: Also we offended some Canadians because during intermission, Alexis and I were commenting on the number of times they said “aboot and soorry” during the show…Actually it was more like “Rachel, Rachel – Did you hear? They said aboot like forty times!
- Alexis: I KNOW!
- Rachel: And then the Canadians in front of us turned around and gave us a look. They spent the rest of the show glaring at us. Ooops
- Alexis: Oh well, I guess it’s a good thing we’re leaving now.
- Rachel: I think we started a land war…This is Rachel and Alexis, signing off. The time is?
- Alexis: Two minutes to five
- Anne: I am from the United States….He he.
- Bindel (in a girly, high-pitched voice): Hi Laura, I stole your recorder, and I also stole your seat..Ha ha. Wait a minute, I’m not in your seat…Fine I’ll move into your seat.
- Tim: And Bindel’s touching himself.
- Bindel: Ha ha, now I’m in your seat. I don’t know what else to say…Bye.
- Bindel (still in high voice, but now I’m back): What do you want from me now? Laura’s back. Why are you recording me? (to Tim) She’s weird, you know that?
- Tim: I do know that. I know that better than anyone.
- Bindel: Hi Laura. You’re gonna laugh when you listen to this tape
- Laura: Pretty much. Is that all?
- Bindel: Yeah
- Laura: Okay then
- Bindel: Bye Laura. Again.
- Shawn: Ha, I stole it! Um, I stole it because now you’re wishing that you changed into your comfy pants and so am I because we ate way too much food. Never ever ever go to buffet and they say go up as many times as you want with all the desserts and all the food, and oh my god, I’m going to die.
- Shawn: I am stealing this because Tim has now killed Laura. Don’t know what they’re doing right now, and I really don’t wanna know. It is now 6:54 and we’re on our way home. Both lizards are still up, and we’re about to watch Dearly Departed. Buh-bye.
- MISCELLANEOUS QUOTES
- Mysteriously Yours: Stand up Ross…Sit down Ross.
- Alexis: That’s wight Wick!
- Mysteriously Yours: Naughty boys make Baby Jesus cry!
- Alexis (about the Toronto shops): Man, I think I got pregnant just from driving down that street.
- Laura (trying to plug in my headphones): I can’t figure out where it goes in.
- Shawn: That’s not your job.
- Alexis: Hey, did you guys have the ad for the Naked News in your hotel room?
- Matt L.: Naked moose? NAKED MOOSE, NAKED MOOSE…
- Laura: And Oui Oui sang this song and it went: “Wing Ding, Wing Ding, Wing Ding…”
- Tim: They stole the Jeopardy theme?
- Store Sign: Totally Nude European Style Dancing
- Alexis: What exactly makes it “European Style”?
- Rachel: Uh, they don’t shave?
- Anne: 20% Senior Discount at the porn store?!
- Tim: Is it 20% off of old people porn or 20% off for seniors?
- Nick: She’s just laughing about herpes.
- Laura: Well, who isn’t laughing about herpes?
- Everyone: People with herpes
Before - After
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