New
Older
About
glossary
mullet nation
quote book
florida
toronto
new york poetry
series
Guestbook
Design
Diaryland

Hearing: Music
Watching: TV
Thinking: nada
Plugging: Myself

Katypeg
Viclyncat
Brazenharlot
JefftheJar
Lex-cherry
Bindel13
Dramaprincez
Littlelizzyb
Katballo

• FLORIDA TAPE TRANSCRIPT – I recorded various moments from Florida. Each stop of the tape is denoted by paragraph breaks. The Florida Trip was taken by marching band from December 28th to January 2nd.

• Laura: Attempt number two…Let’s see if this thing is working. I don’t know, it’s not making the evil noise it was before, so we’ll see.

• Rachel: Devonian – Age of the fishies!
• Laura: Katy….Katy is shying away from the microphone as we speak
• Rachel: Katy is sexy!
• Laura: Apparently Rachel thinks Katy is sexy…Jo Gray you got anything to say, you pansy boy?
• Jo Gray: Pansy Boy?
• Katy: That’s Chris!
• Chris: Oh….Banana milk!
• Rachel: The pansy is Bindel.
• Laura: Okay, the pansy is Bindel. Alright Susie, you got something to say?
• Jo Gray: Don’t call me Susie.
• Laura: Why shouldn’t I call you Susie, Jo Gray?
• Jo Gray: Will you get that out of my face?!
• Laura: Jo Gray’s gonna kill me, but he can’t because he’s stupid….Okay, he says he’s not stupid, but he is. (music begins to play from Tim’s Discman)
• Tim: Wait a second, wait a second, I’ll get the good song
• Laura: We’re waiting a second…Okay Katie, what do you have to say?
• Katie: YEAH!!!!
• Laura: Okay, we’re still waiting for Tim….
• Tim (talking to the Discman): GO down you stupid…There we go.
• Katy: I hope that’s on there (music plays again)
• Tim: That’s in 5/4 time!
• Chris: Who wants to watch me put my little sister in the oven?
• Laura: This is excitement right here, and we’re still waiting.

• Laura: Lizard update at either 1:05 or 1:09 p.m. The lizards went on at 12:59 p.m. and they’re still on there.

• Rachel: It’s 1:08 and Chris still hasn’t noticed that Mojo is missing. Mwa ha ha ha…

• Laura: Mojo report – 3:25 p.m. Chris has just discovered that Mojo is missing and Tim revealed that Katy was the perpetrator who stole Mojo. But we have to make the comment that Chris must not truly love Mojo if it took him, what? Two hours to realize his beloved monkey was missing?
• Tim: But he thought he was safely packed away.
• Laura: Ah…More on this story later.

• Laura: Mojo update, yet again. Apparently Katy’s ugly.

• Laura: Update number whatever, I don’t know – Maskow loves Chris. Katy did you have something to say?
• Katy: That’s just gross.
• Rachel: Pretty much, yeah.
• Laura: Okay, I’m going to pass this over to Chris…
• Chris: So anyway, it was scary. Maskow comes up to me, right? And he’s all like “HEY, Chris…I gotta gift for you” and I’m like, “Oh no, not another vibratator.” So he comes up to me with this square box and I open it – Not any sex toy no…It’s a Dr. Evil action figure with Mini Me.
• Laura: That could be used as a sex toy.
• Chris: It could be used as a sex toy, says Laura, but you never know about these things. And Mascow got on his knees and said "Chris, I love you. I want you to have this. We can just consider this a Christmas gift. But I saw it and I was thinking of you. I'm always thinking of you, Chris. I want to have your child, but that’s impossible because I’m shooting blanks. May I borrow some of your semen?”

• Chris: Alright we’re here in the bathroom.
• Tim: This is the boy’s bathroom, Laura.
• Chris: This is the boy’s bathroom.
• Tim: The tape recorder’s not suppose to be here.
• Chris: I’d like to interview a few people here in the bathroom….Ben? This is Ben S.
• Ben: I’m not Ben S….Away…..Get away!
• Chris: That was Ben S.

• Laura: Mr. Maskow is upset that Chris did not bring his toy with him. We’re gonna see how this turns out
• Tim: There could be an ugly love fight
• Laura: Yeah, there’s going to be like a lover’s quarrel going on here. So we’re going to see how that one pans out.

• Laura: It’s West Virginia time, baby! What time is it Katie?
• Rachel: It is 4:42.
• Katie: It’s 4:39
• Laura: Or it’s 4:39..Does anyone have any words for West Virginia?
• Katie: Yee Haw
• Katy: Let’s go marry our cousins!
• Laura: Rachel, do you have any words for West Virginia?
• Rachel: I hope that there are no incestuous people here.
• Laura: But do you have any family here, Rachel?
• Rachel: No.
• Katie: I do!
• Laura: Then you don’t have to worry about incest, Rachel, but apparently Katie K. does.
• Katie: But my relatives are in Cleveland now.
• Laura: Oh.
• Katy: But her brother’s on another bus.
• Laura: Eeew.

• Laura: Lizard update 8:06, they’re still hanging on.

• Chris: You get souvenir bagels and then you take the cream cheese and then you write your name on the bagel.
• Jo Gray: I asked her if she had any…
• Chris: *Burps very loudly* Oh geez….I just ate some Burger King
• Jo Gray: That smells like a piece of crap off my ass.
• Tim: That would be Chris ass and Jo Gray ass at the same time. I bet that happens more than people think.
• Laura: Hey Rachel, say something.
• Rachel: SUPPER.
• Laura: Will you say something real for once? Here, take it.
• Rachel: Well we just had dinner, it took us about an hour and a half for everyone to get through the line. And the boys all now have cholera because they dropped fries on the floor and then ate them. And you don’t know what kind of diseases are down there. So they have cholera – Cholera…
• Laura: Well, I have polio according to you.
• Rachel: Yes, cholera and polio. Also our bus driver is in the Mafia, his name is Don the don. He is Italian and Chris is in love with him and also wants to rape him, I believe. So that’s basically the trip thus far. Back to you Laura.
• L aura: I think Rachel basically covered it.

• Laura: Our bus driver is called Bo Dog Puppy and it’s like 3 o’clock…But Rachel thinks our bus driver’s name is Luigi.
• Katy: It’s 3:17
• Laura: Katy says it’s 3:17 and we’re in South Carolina.
• Katie: It’s 3:15
• Laura: It’s 3:15, whatever and they were singing Christmas songs and we can’t sleep. And Katy’s left leg is named Helga and her right one is named Marie. And the lizards are still on the window. And Jo Gray is still a little girl.
• Rachel: If I could shoot lasers out my eyes, a lot more people would be dead.
• Laura: That would also come in handy so I could like kill people and then throw them in the aisles and take their seats…We’re going to go kill Peter now, so we have to get off this thing. Does anyone have any last words for South Carolina?
• Rachel (sings): I hate you all, give me a dollar, Fire truck, Fire truck
• Katy: I want Georgia to get up and move.
• Katie (sings): Rockabye baby, on the tree tops…

• Rachel: Katy ditched me. That bitch…It’s 6:55 and we’re in Florida. After spending like 16 hours together, Katy decided I wasn’t good enough. However, the lizards made it to Florida…We’re holding on for Orlando and Tampa. We’ll see.

• Rachel: We’re at Shoney’s it’s time for breakfast. But I don’t know if we’re really at Shoney’s because our straws say “Captain D’s” – They could be fooling us.
• Laura: We’re looking into it.
• Rachel: We’ll report back later.

• (the following section was accidentally recorded, resulted in a bunch of mixed up conversations going on at once. This is as much sense as I could make out of it)
• Tim: You don’t remember, well…
• Rachel: It’s like a release of a lot of emotion..
• Tim: His dad was like there and he made this crap… He made like macaroni and cheese
• Laura: Yeah Rachel, I don’t get it
• Kati: No I don’t.
• Laura: I mean I get it, but I’m just not seeing it.
• Tim: And he put hot dogs and ketchup into it…He put it all in, oh it was sick…It was the sickest thing in the world.
• *Rachel begins squealing so all her words are lost*
• Laura: Okay Rachel, only like small dogs can hear you now.
• Tim: And I thought the older kids.
• Chris: Jo Gray, go save Bindel
• Rachel: I’ll be fine if I only memorize my lines.
• Katy: You should probably do that.
• Tim: Fuck, I have to memorize my lines.
• Rachel: From what I’ve heard no one’s done it yet.
• Tim (reciting his lines from The Laramie Project): “It’s hard to talk about Laramie now…”
• Laura: I have my first part memorized…Which means one scene down, two to go.
• Tim: “…To tell you what Laramie is, for us….”
• Chris: I have one scene down.
• Tim:”...If you would have asked me before, I would have told you Laramie is a beautiful town, secluded enough…”
• Rachel: But I don’t have the first one done.
• Tim: “…That you can have your own identity…”
• Kati: SHUT UP!
• Tim: “…A town with a strong sense of community…”
• Rachel: Alright.
• Kati: Shut up!
• Laura: And I can hit Katy.
• Katy: That’s alright.
• Tim: “…Everyone knows everyone…”
• Laura (realizes tape recorder is on): SHONEY’S
• Kati: Laura, will you tell Tim to shut up?

• Laura: Lizard update – Greg killed the lizards!
• Katie: NO!!!
• Laura: Okay, Greg killed the lizard…It is the one on my right, the one on the left is
• still standing there, still holding on despite interference from Greg, but it’s sad because one has been defeated. So we’re in Florida now.
• Tim: AHHHHHHHHHH
• Laura: That’s Tim. Anything else?
• Tim: Kumbaya.
• Laura: Okay. That’s all.

• Laura: Rachel, do you have any words?
• Rachel: Ti se jenda sexi koasa
• Katy: Ti se jenda sexi koasa!!!
• Katie: Ti vuo ya hutch?
• Laura: What does that mean?
• Katie: It means “are you crazy?”
• Laura: Jo Gray…Come on Susie talk.
• Katy: Susie, talk!
• Rachel: Puh-lease…
• Laura: Come on, say some words.
• Jo Gray: No
• Chris: There’s like no case for these…
• Laura: Katy has put her finger to her lips. And the last one is Chris H. Chris, what do you have to say?
• Chris: God dammit, my penetrators!
• Laura: Merry Christmas everyone!

• Jeff: Now Old Darrel was about eighteen years of age – It was the kind of name that you had to grow into. Now Old Darrel, he had a wife and they used to argue all the time and one day, they were arguing, and there were these three kids in their yard where they kept the world’s largest crouton. Now to see the world’s largest crouton, you had to pay Old Darrel five bucks and you had to be drunk so you wouldn’t remember where he kept the crouton. So they were walking around in his back yard, claiming they were looking for Mother’s Day gifts, but I don’t believe them. They came across this crouton, about five feet wide, five feet tall, five feet long, and they took out their pocket knives and just destroyed it and garnished their greedy little salads. So while that was going on Old Darrel had decided to make up for the argument he had just had with his wife and decided to buy her a dehumidifier. Old Darrel got back from buying the dehumidifier and he found the croton the size of about, oh say, a Rubix Cube. Nowadays you can still see Old Darrel out by the crouton, standing there and remembering.

• Katy: It’s 9:09 and this is update whatever. The lizards are still on the window.
• Laura: Despite interference by certain people
• Rachel: Greg!
• Katy: Despite Greg’s terrible interference. So we just spent the evening in Downtown Disney. I got stuff from House of Blues. I got a Jake Duck, it’s so great
• Laura: We lost Rachel in the Disney Store
• Rachel: It was scary; I thought I was going to be swallowed!
• Katy: We lost Tim, Chris and that other kid who was in their room and they still haven’t returned. So we’re hoping that they return to the bus at some point so we can go home and go to sleep.
• Rachel: It’s really cold
• Laura: My fingers are red!
• Katy: She looks like she has Raynaud’s.
• Rachel: Laura and I bought a cd together, the 25th Muppet CD.
• Katy: And we bought McFlurries and Laura bought herself some chicken nuggets and Rachel got herself an egg nog milkshake.
• Rachel (with milkshake in her mouth): It’s rearry good.
• Katy: Apparently it “rearry rearry good”
• Rachel: Shhhut up.
• Katy: Alright, that’s enough for now.

• Katie (sings): What are you guys talking about?
• Peter (sounded very Russian): Hey who the crap let Strong Sad out?

• Laura: Dude underwear, underwear dude.

• Rachel: The time is 11:18 and we have just successfully completed some prank calls. We called the room that contains Bindel, Pat, Steve and Ryan.
• Laura: I’m going to blow my nose soon.
• Rachel: Using a wonderful British accent that ahem, I’m sure no one could see through. Well, Steve answered: “Room 432”
• Laura: Steve answered?
• Rachel: Oh yes, Steve answered…And I was like “Hello! This is Merrill’s tree farm and we just wanted to confirm that we’ll be picking up a couple of PANSIES tomorrow” – Click, and he hung up! What a jerk, can you believe it? (Katy Laughs) – Laura is jumping….But I could call back, saying such things as “Hello this is Helga with the tree farm for the pansies” …Or with a French accent…”Ello! This is zee pot of flowers – We hear that zthis room is very fertile for growing zee panzies!” and such other things. We also made a very nice prank call to Heather except I cracked up. And Kenny and Bob except Katy cracked up. And the dumb boys won’t answer their phone. Laura is sobbing.
• Laura: I am not sobbing.
• Rachel: Oh yes she is, she’s in the corner, her eyes red…
• Laura: You just said I was jumping on the bed, so how can I be sobbing in the corner?
• Katy: I know I often sob in the corner while I’m jumping on the bed.
• Rachel: I think we better go; this is getting a little too insane. More later.

• Rachel: The date: December 31st. The Time: 12:31. Lizard Status: Still on the window.

• Rachel: Jo Gray and I had fabulous sex last night. I didn’t know about it and he didn’t know about it, but apparently Laura knew about it. Back to Katy.
• Katy: Dumb rehearsal sucked and we don’t belong here, we belong somewhere else because we’re good – Who’d of thunk?
• Rachel: We didn’t realize this until we saw how bad everyone else was
• Katy: And does he ever get the girl?
• Rachel: The lizard will not get the girl.

• Laura: Kati H. has a message for all of you -
• Kati: Don’t be scurred – Is you scurred? I’m here don’t be scurred.
• Laura: She also wants to know where the things at.
• Kati: Where the things at?!
• Laura: She’s referring to the Cat in the Hat ride at University Studios…
• Katy: University? (Tape cuts out)
• (tape comes back in)
• Rachel: Alright gang, newsflash – I did not have fabulous sex with Jo Gray last night. Laura dressed up with me and Jo Gray was drunk and he didn’t notice.
• Katy: Should he really be drunk on a school trip?
• Rachel: Well also, Jo Gray’s a dumb ass so he probably wouldn’t have noticed. But anyway, he had sex with Laura and now she’s carrying Jo Gray’s love-child. SCANDALOUS.
• Katy: Dum dum dum!
• Katie: So today we were supposed to do a parade, and like we did but it rained a lot and it was really bad. And people were throwing necklaces across the street and it hit Katy in the head and now she has a concussion!
• Katy: Ahhhhh….Keep me awake guys!
• Uh-oh. Anyway so we got soaked and we were suppose to go to Busch Gardens tonight but now we’re not going, so now we’re just hanging out in the hotel for New Year’s Eve. And we’re going to order pizza and watch movies, and hopefully hang out with some of the other bands that are in the hotel, because that would be fun.
• Rachel: Bindel’s a pansy!
• Katy: Bindel’s a pansy
• Rachel: He is a pansy
• Katie: Yeah, you guys all heard that. So…
• Rachel: Did you hear that? I hate you Bindel, I hate you!
• Katie: And now we’re watching for lightning…
• Rachel: Okay, I don’t really hate Bindel. Yes I do, What am I talking about?! You’re a pansy!
• Laura: Okay, I’ve returned from the bathroom, and I’m not 100% sure of what they just said, but I’m pretty sure it had something to do with me having sex with Jo Gray, which I didn’t. Because (a) Even if I were to cheat on Tim it would not be with Jo Gray because he’s like a little girl...
• Rachel: You did too have sex with Jo Gray
• Laura: Argh, Rachel’s arguing with me…So anyway, today’s Tuesday, right? So yesterday was Monday, and we went to UNIVERSAL – not university – Studios.
• Rachel: University Studios!
• Laura: We went on nice lovely rides, such as the Hulk, which was nice because we got to watch cartoons in line, and then they shot you up this really frickin thing…It was sweet. And then I got all cranky, and then I got un-cranky.
• Rachel: And there was much rejoicing.
• Laura: And Katy just called Rachel a dumbass, but anyway, I went to dinner with Tim, Kati, and Chris and Chris got a piece of chocolate cake – which if you’ve heard the story about chocolate cake it’s got history and such.
• Katy: I’m sure the tape recorder has heard the story.
• Laura: Oh yes, the tape recorder’s heard the story and is laughing right now. And there’s also this guy on our floor named Jeremy, whom Katy and Rachel think is really hot. If you heard that little sigh, that’s Rachel. And I’ve been talking for awhile, so I’m going to go. Anyone have anything to say?
• Katie: Happy New Year!
• Laura: Yeah, Happy New Year, because I probably won’t talk to you before, you stupid tape recorder that I keep thinking is a person, again until after the new year, so goodbye to 2002.

• * The following took place at Caribou, several days after we got back from Florida*
• Kati: Um, this is Kati, the trip could have lasted a little bit longer, except for New Year’s Eve, that didn’t end soon enough. It was great, I had a lot of fun hanging out with Laura and I’m going to go now.
• Laura: Okay Katy M, I know you have something to say about the Florida trip (Chris shoves the beeping metronome in front of the recorder) Will you get that out of my face?! So Katy Marcy’s going to talk to us now.
• Katy: Alright so it’s now January 4th, and the trip is over and I’m hanging out at Caribou – Big shock there. The trip was great, I had a blast. And Laura, I’m sorry that we had that thing, but that’s okay, all is well now, and I love you. And I had a really great time. It’s going to suck with this year ending, but after June we don’t have to deal with people like Skow, and that’s awesome.
• Laura: We’re going to talk to Kenny now. He likes to eat little kittens and puppies, but he has stuff to say about Florida. So talk to me, baby.
• Kenny: Florida can kiss my ass. Then it can come back out of the region of my ass and kick me in the balls so I have an incentive to rip its fucking face off. And then once it’s face is off, I’m going to put it in my _mocha so I have something to drink while talking to Laura about how much Florida SUCKED!
• Laura: Okay, so Kenny said Florida sucked…But he eats kittens, so you can’t really trust what he says. Chris?
• Chris: Steven Lynch likes to stick animals up his ass. I could play you a song about it.
• Laura: Okay, but do you have anything to say about Florida and not stuff about stuff getting stuck up people’s asses?
• Kenny: Islands of Adventure was fun.
• Chris: I liked getting wet and wild at Wet N’ Wild. On the bus ride home, I put on Katy’s clothes.
• Laura: Was Katy naked?
• Chris: Um no.
• Laura: So whose clothes did she have on?
• Chris: I don’t remember.
• Kenny: Laura
• Chris: I think they were Jo Gray’s
• Kenny: Laura…
• Laura: What does Taylor have to say?
• Taylor: Er, I…don’t…have…too much…to say…right now.
• Laura: Taylor didn’t go to Florida, but he knows about the Suicide Olympics, so he’s cool!
• Taylor: I co-created the Suicide Olympics with you!
• Laura: So Chris, what else do you have to say about Florida?
• Chris: Florida, eh? There were some hot girls there. A couple of them I’d like to ride, and then I cooled off on the slip and slide, it was good.
• Laura: Yeah, that would pretty much be Florida from Chris’ point of view.
• Chris: Oh, and I learned how to swim, so now I can chase girls underwater in bikinis.
• Laura: Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…
• Chris: And then I got over my fear of roller coasters…And I’ve got to figure a way to relate this to girls…
• Laura: Um you could touch girls while on a roller coaster.
• Chris: And then I could.
• Laura: Okay Bindel, now it’s your turn to talk.
• Bindel: I don’t wanna talk!
• Laura: You have to talk! Talk now or else I’ll kick your butt! (metronome returns) GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE!
• Bindel: Alright, Florida was fun and interesting. Sort of annoying because people were bitchy. New Year’s Eve was probably the best. What else do you want me to talk about?
• Laura: (beeping starts) What happened on the trip – SHUT UP CHRIS…Okay, and now Kenny’s grabbing for the tape recorder, so I’m handing it over before he touched my boob…
• Kenny: Okay, I got this shirt at the House of Blues and now Kati’s grabbing my crotch
• Kati: I was pointing at it!
• Kenny: Okay, so I got this shirt.
• Laura (sings): Did you ever know that you’re my hero….
• Kenny: Laura, do you value your skin? So I got this really kick ass shirt, but I can’t wear it because I don’t own it any more. So I got a Busch Garden shirt instead, but it’s not as cool.
• Laura: What happened to the House of Blues shirt?
• Kenny: It was abducted by Satan.
• Chris: Satan has a nice ass, just for the record.
• Kenny: Since Chris’ enlightenment that Satan has a nice ass, we are under the common misconception that Satan is a girl, as Bindel tried to finesse Satan in his mind. But I’m going to tell you now – Satan is not a girl - Satan is SATAN

• Kenny: I’m going to join the wrestling team and I’m going to wrestle and I’m going to be a manly man – Look at my muscles!
• Laura: That’s going to take a couple of surgeries, Kenny.
• Kenny: This is what my muscles sound like! Bring down the thunder!

• MISCELLANEOUS TRIP QUOTATIONS:

• Rachel: So Jo Gray - Do you like cheese? Anything? Do you talk? No? Okay...

• Jeff: I enjoy the occassional occassion.

• Darren (mallet guy in wheelchair): Your music's all crippled.
• Lauren: Well, so are you! Come on, Darren, you walked right into that one... Except you can't walk!

• Sign: Nice Refreshi Coca-Cola.

• Rachel, Katy, Katie, and Laura: Dude, Underwear. Underwear, dude!

• Rachel: Stop it, if you eat the fries off that floor, you're going to get cholera!

• Megan M: I'll spa your portable

• Laura (to Rachel): You need to keep better track of your vagina.

• Jo Gray: Can we burn down our hotel room?
• Billy: Sure, just don't make too much noise.

Before - After